life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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