I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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