when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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