You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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