She announced her abortion via fbk
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
