i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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