My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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