She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
