Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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