You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
