I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
