I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
