Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
