Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
