don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
