Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
