that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You took a bar mat shot.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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