Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
