dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
