when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
