i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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