Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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