a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Drake has all the answers
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
