do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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