I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was born a porn star she said
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
