we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize