I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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