fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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