I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
