Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
