they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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