don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize