Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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