I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
