miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
