I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
