Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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