My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
