haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
