If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
