i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
