Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
