She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
