dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
