We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Drake has all the answers
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
