Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
