Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
