You smell like stripper and shame
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
