and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
