it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
