Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
