I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
