I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize