smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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