I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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