Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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