How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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