I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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