Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just found puke in my bra..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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