I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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