hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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