i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
