no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
