I just pynch a tree in the face
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
